Bhargavacharitham Moonam Khandam

Director: Joemon // Producer: Noushad, Najeeb // Cast: Mammootty, Sreenivasan, Johnny, Mohan Jose, Saikumar, Rahman, Salim Kumar // Editing: PC Mohan // Screenplay: Sreenivasan // Story: Joemon, Sreenivasan

Undoubtedly one of the worst movies i have ever seen. There is not even a single moment which is enjoyable. This will not even qualify as an okay movie in a high school project.

The plot is interesting. The Hero( iam not sure who is the Hero, since Mammootty and Srinivasan share the screen space equally.. More over there was no song sequences of hero and heroine in foregin locales, so I really dont know who is the hero. But since our super heros does not act in anything less than a hero role, i guess it is Mammootty. ) is an underworld don, with ganja plantations and other criminal acts to his credit. He one day suddenly looses his confidence, and cannot shoot or smash the head of his opponents. He seeks the help of a crazy psychoanalyst (sreenivasan). Have I seen an english movie with almost the same plot ?

But the whole thing goes for a toss in the execution of the idea. The script seems to be is written by a 10th grade student who just saw a movie for the first time in his life. Mammootty is wasted in his role. Srinivasan is okay, trying to do a "udayananu tharam" kind of role. Salim kumar will have to look for other job options if he is planning his career this way (he could ask harisree ashokan, who walked the path before him)
The scenes are not connected, the audio/visual not synchronized, nothing is good in this movie.
I can go on and on.. but I am not wasting any more time writing a review on this s***t.

It’s a crap, dont even go near the theatre which plays this movie.

Bhargavacharitham Moonam Khandam rating : 1/10

FAQS

Who are you ?
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Why do you write movie reviews ?
Because I am passionate about movies. Movies are the only place where I reach always before time, and never leaves till they turn off the projector.

So are you a professional movie critic or what ?
Nope. I am a software engineer/designer. I write code/draw graphics for a living.

Then what makes you think that you can write reviews ?
I am a member of the public to whom the movies are targeted to. That gives me the right to comment about what I see. And I know exactly what I like and what I dislike. I write just my views.

I dont agree with your views about "xyx" movie.
This is the FAQ section. and thats not a Question.

Okay, I dont agree with your views about "xyz" movie. what do you have to say ?
What I write is not the last word. Its my sincere attempt to start a discussion. If you have differing views, please write them in the comments section. You are also free to email me your views. Lets debate.

Why dont you write about the good things in a movie, than pointing out the bad things ?
Thats what the reviews in news papers and websites are for. They have to promote the movie. They always have to be *politically right*. I dont have to be.

Does anyone read this stuff ?
I am not sure of others, but I know for sure, that you are reading this now.

Can I write a review for your site ?
Sure, send me. If it passes the test, I shall put it up with due credits.

What test ?
I check the bits you send for atmoic radiation using Geiger counters and scintillometers. If the radiation is less than 50 mrem (.5 mSv), I send it across to the approvals and denials committiee of intergalactic movie review nodal center(IGMRNC). After processing, they send back a subatomic particle, if its a proton, i publish. If its an electron, sorry, i dont.

Hmm. Whom do I complaint to if you dont publish my review ?
The Grievance Redressal Forum(TGRF) of IGMRNC

What if i have a question that is not covered in this FAQ ?
Then obviously, its not a FAQ. Mail it directly to me.

Rasatanthram

//Director:Sathyan Anthicaud // Producer:Antony Perumbavoor// Cast: Mohanlal,Meera Jasmine,Bharat Gopi, Siddique, Innocent, Jagathy Sreekumar // Music: Ilayaraja // Lyrics: Girish Puthencherry //Screenplay: Sathyan Anthikkad //


You guys expect a lot. But when you walkout as the credits roll up, I am not sure if you could be satisfied with what you got.

For any movie, the base is a story or one-line. It’s the foundation on which the movie is built up. If its not strong enough, sure, whatever u build above it, will collapse, even if you support it with national award winning actors, pull in all the comedians and coat it with family sentiments.

Premachandran(Mohanlal), is a carpenter, living with his father(Gopi). He is supposed to be an expert in his work (what did u expect, after all he is the hero if the movie, right ? )

His colleagues, Innocent and others love him much.

Premachandran, Once sees heroine, naked(?) taking bath. I don’t know why they always do this shot. Take 100 movies and in 10 of them, the hero sees his heroine in her birthday suit first ! In the past, Mohan lal has seen other heroines too nude, Remember Indraja in “Ustad” ?

He then finds out that she is a poor Tamil girl, Kanmani, working as a maid in a rich house, often ill treated. He saves her from suicide and she ends up dressed as a boy, and living among others who never suspects her to be girl. Wait, wait.. I will agree that there are a few girls who can dress up as a man and go unnoticed. But Meera Jasmine ? No way!

Mean while the police hunts for the girl, and a local Romeo, is under arrest. He ‘confesses’ to the police that he has send that girl to Tanjavoor. That’s only piece in the movie which is humorous.

But before long, the police find out about the drama and in the court Kanmani says that I am not forced and would like to live with the Hero.

That’s all.

Producer: But its only 1 hour now!
Director: Hmm.. let me see we will add some flashback

Director brings in the past of the hero being in jail for a murder case. (of course, he didn’t commit it ! Hello, our heroes are soo nice that they can’t do any sin.)

Producer: okay some 20 more minutes gone. But we need more!
Director: we need some sentiments. Let’s try the angle of land recovery and the houses of poor people being demolished for development. You know it works well with the masses!
Producer: But the Hero’s house is not a set! The real owners will kick our asses!
Director: No, No, we will cut before that.

The houses of premachandran and his neighbors are demolished.

Producer: 1.40 hours. What do I show the people for the rest of the time? Your old movies ?
Director: How about some old people neglected in the society? I tried that in my last movie, manassinakkare, and it worked well.
Producer: what ever! I need a two and a half hour movie!

Cut to the old age home, sentiments.

Producer: Fine, Its hardly 2 hours now.
Director: wait, I have a few aces up my sleeve! You saw my movie, Veendum chila veettu karyangal ? In that I have used this, Rich bro and sis of the hero, ignoring the parents, but the hero, though poor, takes care of them. How does that sound ?
Producer: Great ! do it !

The Hero has a brother and sister who lives their own high profile lives in the society. But they are rich but our hero is rich in love. The hero is not invited for his bro’s daughter’s marriage ! Cry, audience, cry !

Producer: No one would cry for such a simple reason.
Director: okay, lets take the 19^th adavu !

The heros father passes away, peacefully.

Producer: Wow ! that’s good ! now they will cry.
Director: You bet !
Producer: but aren’t your movies known for comedy ?
Director: ooops ! I forgot ! Do you have jagathy’s phone number ?

Jagathy comes in as muraimaman of Kanmani with intentions of marrying her.

By that time the hero realizes that the only one who loves him in this world is Kanmani and marries her.

Shubham !

I told you, you expected a lot. But you will be disappointed in this.

No story no movie !
The director should be made to write this imposition 1000 times.

But there are a few good points in this movie, the music by Ilayaraja is soothing and cool as the village breeze. The plain and simple life of the villagers. The chemistry between Mohanlal and Gopi. The camera that captures the beauty of the locations.

Watch at your own risk, and don’t forget to tickle yourself when you want to laugh.

‘Rasatanthram’ rating: 4/10

Chintamani Kola Case

The hero, Lal Krishna Viradiyar, aka Suresh Gopi, is a criminal lawyer, He not only lets the criminals go scot free from the law, but follows them and kills them the same day !
Intelligent, i should say, he makes money by appearing for them and also makes sure that the justice is done, by killing them!

Chintamani Kola Case portrays Suresh Gopi in the lead role, a character with some sides of a psychopath. (As in any Malayalam movie, there has to be explanation for everything. why is the hero a psychopath? Oh .. that’s because he witnessed his teacher being brutally killed when he was a kid. problem solved !) He quotes from the holy books at any given time and preaches of cosmic law. The Hindu symbols, slokas, rudraksha, and the multicolored threads, are in place, typical of Shaji Kailas movies.

He kills two people who have committed heinous crimes in the start of the movie, with a lavish overdose of special effects. I wouldn’t be wondered if the special effects guy billed right next the hero or the director. He had a truck load of work to do. I wouldn’t mind being killed by someone, but all the verbal torture about the cosmic law, and the special effects are unbearable.

Cut to the good old village girl, who gets admission to the "new evil" in the kerala society, self financed private colleges. There a gang of 9 girls, overly colored, ready for anything girls are waiting to strike against the village belle. Those mirchi girls reminded me of the masks we use to scare children, simply lacking life and believability.

They rag her, to an amount less than I, or anyone who has gone into a professional college, have personally experienced. But the poor girl is so ‘feather touch’, that she decides to leave the college. She is found murdered a few days later.

Enter the hero as the lawyer for the suspected mirchi girls. What happens then is unbelievable. Not even in a movie.

Its a typical Shaji Kailas movie, with all the unwanted cuts, special effects and woosh-swoosh.
The movie was made in a hurry, for they didn’t even have the time to check the spellings of the titles or the audio video synchronization.

The story, inspired by the likes of Anniyan and other random stuff, is made up from the news paper cuttings with serious loop holes and too sloppy. The characters are too overly colored and hyped up which creates nausea. Many characters are completely unwanted and just pulled in for just a scene and few punchy dialogues. (Kalabhavan moni, Vani Vishanath, Rekha etc..). Suresh Gopi goes over board, by heights of over acting, however you try to explain it with his psychopathic nature.

The music is a torture with remixed versions of "asato ma sat gamaya" and other slokas. No aspect of the movie is above the mediocre level.

I will resort to a Tamil phrase, to describe this movie, for want of a better usage. "Romba ovar !"

Chintamani Kola Case Rating : 3/10

Malamaal Weekly

Hmm.... Well if you go to theatres without much expectations than to see an average sitcom over lot of popcorns and coffee, you wouldnt be disappointed as long as your expectations are low enough.

This is about a bunch of poor people from a poverty stricken village in north india, haunted my the money eyed Thakurani. The local drunkard, wins a lottery of One Crore and dies in the shock of the news. Others gather around to trick the lottery inspector and whisk the money off, giving rise to many a comic scenes.

I am almost sure the story is flicked off from somewhere, yet i dunno from where, you know, someone needs to show the remake raja, priyadarshan, how to shoot movies first. Only after that the mallu director adopts the movie and remakes it.

A few things that you can always expect in a priyadarshan movie- great sets, beautiful cinematography, and an item number. The same is true with Malamaal weekly too.

I have seen a few other movies made by Priyadarshan, and this one narrowly misses the worst spot to garam masala. You dont need a director of the proclaimed status and calibre of Priyadarshan to make a movie like this !

In the acting front, Paresh Rawal and Ompuri.. only because of these two guys i didnt walk out half way through the movie. Innocent, (its a noun, not an adjective !) a wonderful comedy actor from malayalam, is wasted and is struggling to fit in. Blame the bad dubbing !

so, to conclude, if you just want to laugh at your own tastelessness in selecting movies to watch, go watch this one !

Okay from now on a rating system is in place. Its on a scale of 10. 10 being the best and 1 being the worst, as if you didnt know it.

'Malamaal weekly' Rating: 3/10

Lion

Director:Joshy::Cast: Dileep, Kaavya Madhavan, Vijayaraghavan, Jagathy, Innocent
Music: Deepak Dev:: Lyrics: Kaithapram :: Cinematography: P. Sukumar ::

Nothing in this movie- nothing new, no creativity, no fun, no thrill.. nothing
just the old fashioned 'scripted from the newspapers' movie.

The hero changes the state over night, and finally is accused of killing his father.

Mother: " Get out of my sight, i dont want to see you !
Hero: "Mother, please listen to me.."
Mother: "No,I dont want to hear a thing ! get out !"

Hero is broken and goes ahead and finds the killers of his father, returns to his mother.
Mother: "ss.. Son... !"
Hero: "mm.. Mother ... !"

C'mon, Mr Director, how long will u give us this shit ?

Oh yea, the hero has a childhood sweetheart too, who sings and shakes her fat body with the hero, who adorns costumes hired from the local drama company, to the amazement curious onlookers in Newzealand/switserland/someotherland.

Not good, dont waste your time watching this.

Bus conductor

Well, I didnt see the movie. But I planned to. Decided not to waste two and a half hours after reading this.

If even the multiplex which shows the movie says "only Mammootty’s fans can enjoy the film..", why should I waste my time ?

I have been seeing too many bad movies these days. Need to see one good movie for a change.

These guys are honest, I guess. :)

Tiger

Language:MALAYALAM :: Director:Shaji Kailas :: Cast: Suresh Gopi,Rajan P Dev, Murali, Saikumar, Siddique, Suresh Unnithan,Gopika:: Cinematography: Shyam Dutt

This one breaks the concepts of a movie.

Conventionally, you buy a ticket-get in the theatre-movie starts- you watch-movie ends-you come out., right ?

But in the case of The Tiger, a better option would be

Instead of fixing show timings, they should run this movie from 10 in the morning to 10 in the night. If you buy a ticket you will be let in, and you can watch it for 2 and a half hours.

Does not make much difference either way.

This movie is like a festival. You can walk in anytime of the festival, you get to see the people, the music, and the elephants.

Same is the case about this movie. You can walk in any time, you see the fight, the dialogues and the Suresh Gopi. Dont bother about the story or other aspects of the movie. There ain't any.

The movie is the usual stuff you will expect from Shaji Kailas and Suresh Gopi. As expected, the story is made up from the newspapers. All the recent incidents mentioned, including smart city and peedanam.

Suresh Gopi is a know-it-all police officer, who can even guess your hotmail passwords within seconds. He is fat, and his fight scenes add to the comic value of the movie.

It is funny when the directors who claim to use the latest technical gadgets portray one in their movies. Have you ever seen Hotmail.com saying “WRONG PASSWORD” or PASSWORD ACCEPTED in Arial bold, 20 points, red color?

Have you seen a guy reading abstract, screensaver like images while doing a polygraph test? He reads the images and gives a ‘thumbs up’ if the subject is saying the truth!

See for yourselves how a polygraph test is done.

There is a suspense in the movie too. You know, as usual, from start of the movie, they show you a guy in negative shade and another in an extremely positive manner. You don’t need much brain to know who will be good and who will be bad at the end of the movie.

I feel that, of late, Shaji Kailas came to see some movies made by Quentin Tarantino. And he set out to make a movie with the over enthusiastic Suresh Gopi.

I am bored of seeing the fight scenes which if played in slow motion looks like synchronized acrobatics. We have been seeing this from the B&W movies. Then the whole fight was in a single shot, now we have multiple shots. But the fight is the same !

And whatever guns and weapons you have, it isn’t over till the Hero thrashes the villain with his bare hands.

Caution:
When Suresh Gopi is traveling through a Highway in a Jeep, shut your ears. Then comes the BG/ song of this movie. Believe me, when I say it’s Horrible. I mean HORRIBLE! Later don’t tell me that I didn’t warn you!

What is new about tiger is that they used on-the-spot editing. They shot the scenes, and edited it then and there. I don’t think anyone, or they themselves will try this again. Thanks to the messy editing interspersed with the close up shots. (trademark scenes of the director)

I suspect the Cameraman was drunk most of the time, you almost feel dizzy watching the unsteady shots. A vain attempt to make you feel that the movie is moving fast. Really the movie has a fierce pace, with shots cut pretty fast, so that you can’t blink your eye. But don’t strain yourself, its not worth it.

In everyone there is rebel who wants to break loose. Such movies feed to that sensation of yours. Nothing more.

The so called film makers of Kerala or any other place, for that matter, should know that the audience is not the same anymore. They get to see the latest techniques used in the Hollywood movies. Selling the stuff that Tiger is made up of, to them is hard. The little boy who sat next to me in the theatre couldn’t control his laughter in some scenes and that’s not because the scenes involved anything funny. If you don’t want the new generation to laugh at you, do your home work, please.

Trivia
Did you know that Suresh Gopi tried to be the next James Bond?

He sent the DVDs of Commissioner and some other movies in which he acted to the Braccoli group. I am not joking, He really did.
I hear that they have kept the DVDs safely in the comedy section.

You can walk in any time, see the fight, hear the dialogues and worship the Suresh Gopi. Story ? what is that ?